The wait is just about over

I'm not going to lie.  I've had one of those gut feelings again...this feeling in the pit of my stomache that I am not going to like what I am going to hear tomorrow.  I keep ignoring it as much as possible.  You know, Connor can be one of the ones who's doesn't grow... or one of the lucky one's who has it shrink.  Maybe this time we will get lucky.  I'm trying so very hard to hold it together.  I've been doing a decent job of it since his first seizure.  I can keep it together for most of the day, I kind of turned myself into a machine.  You do what you need to do, you keep on a schedule, you put on a happy face so you don't scare the crap out of the kids and you just keep moving.   But every once in awhile when everyone is asleep and it's just me, I lose it.   I'm hoping I can make it through tonight without doing that.   We have a pretty long trip in the morning.  We decided to just leave in the morning.  Connor was just not feeling a trip today and it will probably just be easier to wake him up really early tomorrow morning and leave.  That way he will sleep most of the way there and not notice that he isn't allowed to eat for 6 hours before or drink 2 hours before.   When it comes to toddlers, everything has to be strategic.