"Not everything is a joke."

"Not everything is a joke."  No, it's not.  Trust me I know that.  But I don't see what's wrong with having a little humor about situations.  You can't control everything but you can control your reaction to it.  Of course I have whoa is me days, we all do.  But I generally prefer to make jokes about most crap that goes on.  What the hell else are you supposed to do? Shrivel up and die?  That seems to be one thing that really offends people about me. My humor about life.


September 13, 2012 I went for a 3 mile walk as usual. By the time I made it back to my block I could barely get in the house. I crawled upstairs and laid in the shower thinking I had kidney stones for the 10th time.  I tried to ignore it as much as possible but the pain was unbearable.  I never go to the hospital.  I have to be forced.  Thank god my husband forced me.  It turned out my intestines were tied in a knot.  Had Chris not made me go to the hospital, I would have died.   September 14th I had emergency surgery to repair it.  As I was laying there waiting to go back there was so many things going on in my mind.  What if I never saw my kids again? What would their life be without me?  What about my parents? Would the recover from burying their child?  I had my dad and my husband there with me and they both had the worst looks on their faces.  I will never ever forget their faces.  Chris was a mess and didn't really know what to do.  He couldn't even speak.   My dad, despite that look on his face, stayed strong like usual. He talked to the doctors and made sure I knew what was going on.  I obviously came out of this mess and a week later was able to go home.  I went home different.  I no longer cared about opinions of people.  The only opinions that mattered were those of family. Making sure that they were as happy as possible at all times and never letting them forget how much I love them. 


2 weeks later, we were  handed Connor's Chiari I diagnosis.  Poetry, yes?


Here's the thing about me.  I will probably offend people.  It will never be intentional.  My humor can come out at the wrong times.  I can say the worst things at the worst moments.  But my intentions are always good.  It is not your job to understand me just as it is not my job to change who I am to please  anyone besides my loved ones.  My world consists of those under this roof and the rest of my family.  Anyone else is a bonus.  (Who doesn't love a bonus?)


Things happen in life, you can be bitter forever or you can be bitter in chunks and choose to be happy the rest of the time.  What is your choice?





September 2012












“My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.”