You and me kid.

Connor has had a pretty rough week.  Some of it being a wicked headache, some of it being too hectic for him and some just the fact that he is three. It seems like much of life is a battle right now for me.  Even eating... Connor has completely regressed with eating. We used to have several "safe" foods that he would eat. Now I'm lucky to get him to eat a bowl of cereal. Sleep is less and less. I'm either up because he is up or I am up making sure everyone is still breathing. Lately I feel like I just won the lottery if I am allowed to shave my legs in the shower.  School? Yep, that's a joke.  I can't focus when I am there or I have to miss it due to something happening at home.  I was dropped from a class that I did 90% of the work in already because Connor had a seizure and I missed more days than I was allowed to.  This is not Connor's fault. Not the schools fault either.  It's life. Shit happens.  You deal with it.  I switched to online classes for the next term so I won't have to worry about the attendance.  This is going to be tough.  I have such a hard time focusing at home but I know I'll get through it.  If I can just get this school stuff done......  It will happen.  Just not as soon as I had hoped or planned.  When I do graduate, Connor needs to walk across that stage with me.

When you become a parent selfishness goes out the window. Everything you do is for them and about them.  My biggest goal in life is to make sure they are all happy, healthy and have every opporunity in life.  Today is one of those days that I woke up feeling sorry for myself.  How dumb is that? Connor's worst day would be a blessing to someone else.  There is always someone who has it worse. Quit your bitching! Right?  Setbacks are just that, they are setbacks. You just have to choose to keep moving and keep working towards your goals.

"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. "

Faith, fish and the meaning of life...

My sister and my nephews are here visting from California. I haven't seen them in about two years and we don't know when they will be back in NC after this.  So needless to say, we are all thrilled.  Even though Connor hasn't seen them since he was a year old, he sees pictures and hears about them all the time.  He had no problems adjusting to being with them at all.  We decided to all go the aquarium.  It's most likely a sight ot see in itself, my sister has four boys, and I have Luke, Connor and Everley. We are like a traveling circus.  (All of the kids behaved though WOOOO)  But anyway, it's tourist season here and with the possiblity of more rain, the aquarium was packed.  This tought us a brand new lesson about Connor: he does NOT like crowds one bit. 

Connor was showing the tell tale signs of unhappiness.  The twitch, the tongue sticking out and smacking himself in the head.  He wanted me to hold him a lot or he wanted to hold his Aunt Erin's hand.  As we kept walking, it got more congested with people, the more congested it got, the more I saw fear in Connor's eyes.  So what do you do?  We went into the shark exhibit, found a nice spot in the corner to sit with our backs against the wall so Connor can just look around and know no one was behind him, and we sat.  I held Connor on my lap and rubbed his head.  Luke pointed out all sorts of fish to Connor and Everley picked her nose, of course.   We just sat there and watched the fish and the people.   It amazes me how understand Luke and Everley are.  Maybe because they know no other way to be.  I'm always in amazement of my kids. All three of them.  We eventually made it out of the aquarium, unscathed and without any metldowns. All of us together.

I've mentioned it before but it weighed on my mind yesterday a bit, why is that we are given certain things it life to deal with? Why do some have it so easy and others have constant hurdles? I am not overly religous.  I do believe in God, very much so, but other than that I just don't know.  But the more time I sit and question why, the more I realize what a waste it is.  Why focus on the boohoo when I can focus on the good things?  You endure things in life.  It happens.  You don't know why, you may never know why. You just do what you need to do to get through them. 

You live life the best you can.  You constantly improve yourself. You have to be willing to be learn things, even if it's from children.  If it is in your power to help someone, you do it, no questions asked and wanting nothing in return. You love with your whole heart. You be as honest as possible, especially with yourself and you just continue to live life.  And most importantly be grateful for everything you have.   Connor's not so good day would be a miracle for someone else. 

 "I'll love you forever,I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."