Lately we haven't been going out much. We do what is necessary, doctors appointments, grocery shopping, and Connor's speech and OT appointments. The weather was a good excuse. But now it's warming up again and I won't be able to use it for much longer. As any special needs parent knows, making it through the day without huge incident is a big deal. If I can get through grocery shopping without a meltdown it is a miracle. I always wonder what people must think. "Look at this woman with the screaming child bribing him with that box of mini muffins, she is such a piece of shit!" I really do try to get groceries and things like that when my husband is home so we can either divide and conquer the store or one of us can stay home with the kids and the other goes shopping. But that is not always practical for a military family. Sometimes he is just not here. Sometimes he has to work 18 hour days and I really need some damn milk in this house. So what do I do? I get my shit together and go shopping. People are going to judge. It happens. I get it. Connor looks "normal." They probably just think he is a brat. Trust me, I'm already embarrassed that you are staring. I'm embarrassed if you aren't staring. I'm not embarrassed of Connor though. I'm embarrassed of myself. I'm embarrassed that I worry so much that people are thinking of us in Wal-Mart. It's effing Wal-Mart... why so serious? But after you have to listen to a parent who has no fucking clue what it is like to raise a child with special needs tell you how you should discipline them, and what a disservice you are doing by not doing a b or c.... you start to build up a wall. I will not beat my child, I'm sorry. I can't do it. I won't even beat my "normal" children. But for Connor? Never. 1. If I slap him for hitting, doesn't that make me a hypocrite? 2. He just won't get it. All he knows is that I'm hurting him and not the reason why... 3. He is three years old. That is still a baby in the grand scheme of things. So please, keep your stupid opinions to yourself.
People always have so many opinions on what you should be doing and how they would do things but they honestly have no idea. Just because you fancy yourself a medical professional, or you read an article, or you saw something on Dateline does not make you and expert on special needs children. I have one and I am no damn expert. I am a Connor, Luke and Everley expert and that's about it. You never know what YOU will do until you are in that position. I was so guilty of judging. Connor is here for so many reasons and one would be to let me know that I needed to slow my roll. There is no such thing as a perfect child. I don't even think there is such a thing as a "normal" child, which is why I always put it in quotations. (for those who aren't quick enough to pick up on that.)
Don't get me wrong, some kids are just wild. They act up in stores, scream in restaurants and in general just like to raise hell. Then there are kids like Connor who truly can not help it. It's hard for a stranger to decide which one is which and certainly not their problem to worry about it. Perhaps we don't have to be so obvious with our staring? Feel free to judge, we all do it, but maybe every once in awhile you can keep it in the back of your head that some kids are slightly different and that mom you are giving the hairy eyeball to may just want to get through the store without crying today. Just food for thought.
"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."
