“Those who say that we’re in a time when there are no heroes, they just don’t know where to look.”

Connor has been interesting lately, to say the least.  But his quirks make him who he is.  Who he is, is just indescribable.  He's a sweetheart, a lover, a fighter, a clown, a crab.... so many things wrapped up in a little ball of pale skin and reddish blonde hair with those bright blue eyes that can make you melt.   How can I feel sorry for us when I have such an amazing boy, two amazing boys and one amazing little girl? You can't.  I kind of feel like the past few weeks that I've been punk'd.  Crap can not really be going this bad? Can it?   How can I be having health issues of my own when I need to be on my game for these kids? But, sometimes that's the hand you are dealt.  If these kids are okay all is right in the world.  If Connor can get through a day with multiple migraines, I can too. 

Despite my crap day and Connor's cranky day, we still turned it around.  We went for a nice walk and fed the ducks (which Connor can't get enough of).  He loved it.  There is always a chance to turn your day around. 

I also am amazed how I find myself looking up to my three year old son.  Heroes come in all shapes and sizes.  Mine is Connor shaped. 

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”  

Always choose your battles.

I'm a big fan of common sense parenting.  If something seems like it is a bad idea, it probably is.  If something works, stick with it.  For me, the old saying "choose your battles," is a good piece of advice.  

Connor has several great loves of his life.  As you saw last blog, bacon is one.  But he also has VERY strong feelings for donuts. This morning Connor woke up pretty intent on having donuts for breakfast.  If you knew Connor, you would know that he repeats whatever he wants over and over and over until you either A. Jump out a window to escape it or B. Give him what he wants.   Since I haven't jumped out a window (yet, I may eventually) Connor usually gets what he wants in some shape or form.   Today, it was donuts.  The easy thing to do would be drive to Dunkin Donuts and get him his favorite strawberry frosted with sprinkles. (He NEEDS two.  One is not enough, three makes him flip out).  Anyway, driving anywhere today is not really an option.  Mommy had another iron infusion yesterday afternoon and has felt pretty crappy since.  Dizziness and driving = no bueno.   I tried to reason with Connor. 
Me:  Mommy can't drive, can I make you waffles or pancakes? How about cereal?  You want to eat cereal every single meal anyway, how about that?
Connor:  Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Me: How about some fruit and oatmeal?
Connor:  :Throws his cup at me.
Me:  Okay, donuts it is.... 

What do we do?  We make donuts.  I let Connor help.  By help I mean drop an egg on the floor and turn the mixer on warp speed sending up a cloud of flour in my face.   Still, donuts were made, kitchen was clean and the whole three kid circus was happy.  

So compromising works.  Connor wanted Dunkin Donuts, I couldn't drive, we make donuts.   Everyone wins. 

Choosing battles and compromising works well with children.  But what about adults?   Ehhhhh, not so much.   There is this woman that lives down the block.  Generally unpleasant and a bit socially awkward.  I figure she just is not very wondeful with people and continue to be nice to her.  I let many comments slide that she shot my way and just kept being nice.  My mom always said kill them with kindness.  She's a pretty smart woman, so I take 99% of her advice.   Anyway, back to this woman.    I took most of her obnoxiousness with a grain of salt.  Listened to her know it all advice even though she has pretty much no experience in the things she spews out.   Still, I was polite.  But then the bomb dropped.   She would make some snide remarks directed at me about how people shouldn't baby autistic children because they need to learn how to care for themselves and make comments about Connor in general.  Give me her thoughts on Chiari (something again she has NO experience with)...   I'd still be nice... but then she did it.  She made the comment that all people with mental issues should be put in an institution.   Really? So my three year old child should be put in an istitution because YOU think that people like him commit violent crimes.   So I did what any sensible person would do.  I ignored her.  I avoided her when I saw her around base and deleted her off Facebook.  I had her blocked for a little while because I did not want to flip out and say something awful to her.   I thought I could handle unblocking her.  I was wrong.   I saw her doling out her usual idiotic and false information to someone yesterday and I went nuts on her.  What she was telling the other person wasn't harmful or anything, just wrong, but I had so much anger from what she said previously that just stewed inside me for two months that I flipped shit.  So unlike me.  I am the nicest person you will meet normally.  If it is in my power to help someone, I do it. No questions asked.  But when it comes to my children I grow a set.   Was I right to flip out on her? Probably not.  I certainly didn't listen to my moms kill them with kindness advice in that situation...  But what can you do?  Technically, I did pick my battle.   It won't change that woman's view on things.  It won't change my opinion of her.   In the end, I come off looking like a gigantic jerk.  (I was pretty mean).   I can't really say I regret it though.  I truly feel that every single situation you face teaches you something.  It can be something big, it can be something small.  I think I learned this time that some people do not matter.  Some horrible woman that lives down the block is pretty irrelevant.  There are plenty of awesome people all around.   Don't sweat the small stuff.   I still think I should have Connor go lick her though, but he has better taste ;)

Cinnamon Sugar donuts courtesy of Connor (Mommy helped some...haha)

I walk the line.

This past week has not been too pleasant.  Connor has been waking up MISERABLE. All he does is cry. I don't think it is a headache because when I ask him he shakes his head. It seems like his back hurts. I've been really careful to check his sleeping position during naps and at night. Needless to say, I'm still not sleeping very much.  By the time noon comes I have my white flag up.  But what can you do? Keep moving of course. 
My sleepless nights leave me to a lot of thinking.  I walk a line between denial and outright unrealistic paranoia. What is going to happen in the future? Will this all straighten out? Will no one ever be able to tell that anything is different? Will he just blend in and go on to lead a normal, happy life? Of course he will! He is MY child.  Nothing can go wrong when it's your baby...right?  Happy land...  Then paranoia hits.  I think to myself, "Jodi, no one can understand your kid but you, he's going to go to school? No, you need to homeschool him!"   Yea, poor kid.  But in all seriousness, how is this going to work?  Will he have to be in a seperate class from the other kids?  Will he get made fun of? Will he ever have a friend besides his brother and sister? When he is a teenager, will he be able to have a prom date? A girl that has been saying to herself for months, Gee, I hope Connor asks me...   Will he live with me until I am old and need someone to take care of me...  What the fuck is going to happen with my kid?  What else can I do to help him?  Sometimes I just don't know what to think. All I can do is keep taking him to his doctors appointments, keep taking him to his therapy and keep being patient when we get the stank eye in public when Connor has a meltdown.  This is my life.  You take it or leave it.  I take it and keep going.   I'm not going to lie though, denial days are way more fun.

 

Built in best friends, Connor's big brother Luke and baby sister Everley.